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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746560">An Offering</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sssyzygy1/pseuds/Sssyzygy1'>Sssyzygy1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Big Bang Theory</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Community: shamyficexchange, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:02:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,784</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sssyzygy1/pseuds/Sssyzygy1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheldon is confused by his own feelings when he is faced with the reality that he may have to share Amy's attention with other men, including his best friend, Leonard! How does he work through the messy feelings of not only jealousy- but something more that distract him from his trains? My take on Sheldon's thought during "The Pulled-Groin Extrapolation" (S5E3).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sheldon Cooper/Amy Farrah Fowler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>An Offering</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sheldon reached into his desk to pull out his Exacto knife in order to cut into his new H-O Starter train set. He was still feeling a bit as though he had been bamboozled by Jerry's Junctions, but alas, the purchase had been made, and once decided on a course of action? Sheldon Cooper has never been a quitter. He looked over his shoulder to watch Amy stand from her spot on the couch. Her spot. He was beginning to become very accustomed to her place in his life; a place that was conveniently located right next to him. Not entirely comfortable with the brief flush of happiness that spread through him, he looked away from her and down at the set before him, shoving that feeling aside and focusing his concentration.</p>
<p>"Well, I had a delightful evening, Leonard. We should do this again sometime." Sheldon's ears perked up at the melodious sound of Amy's dulcet tones. Her voice was never high-pitched and bothersome like Bernadette's, nor loud and obnoxious like Penny's voice, which grated at his nerves. Instead, Amy's voice was almost always deep, calm, and soothing. He couldn't help but glance over at her again as she addressed his friend.</p>
<p>Leonard may have looked slightly uncomfortable as he responded to Amy. "Ah, sure. That'd be nice."</p>
<p>It made sense that Leonard sounded insecure. Leonard probably hadn't followed a word Amy had said all evening, after all. She was far too intelligent for Leonard to keep up with her without him there to translate. It was kind of Amy to attempt to be friendly with Leonard, as he knew she thought him quite tedious.</p>
<p>Amy spoke up once more, surprising him with her next statement. "Glad to hear it. I need someone to accompany me to the wedding of Dr. Moranelli and Dr. Gustufson this Friday. They're kind of the Brad and Angelina of the primatology department."</p>
<p>Sheldon nearly did a double-take. Was Amy asking Leonard to accompany her to a wedding? Taken aback, Sheldon stopped his attempt to cut through the tape on his H-O starter set. Now, he found himself turning to face them, awaiting Leonard's reply. Why hadn't she asked him? Amy was his friend, his companion, after all. Companion, yes, like the Doctor has companions. Amy is my companion. He looked at Leonard, giving him a disapproving look. Of course, Leonard had Priya, even though she was in India, and he must decline the invitation.</p>
<p>Unsurprisingly, he heard Leonard continue, "Wouldn't you rather bring Sheldon?" There it was! Good job, Leonard. Of course, she would rather go with me. Amy must have been asking Leonard just to be polite. His gaze went back to Amy, as what he knew to be an adorably smug look crossed his face.</p>
<p>"I would, but the last wedding we went to was a disaster. He behaved like a child the entire time." See! Wait! She thought he had behaved badly? Why? Just because he had been uncomfortable with that disastrous moment when the garter that the sweaty, unhygienic bride had worn- on her upper thigh no less- had been flung into his lap? Wasn't it natural that he would be grossed out by the pathogens that had been forced upon him? Amy was looking at him, clearly expecting an apology. He refused. But to diffuse the tension, he thought it best if he bring some humor to the conversation.</p>
<p>"Not my fault. You said there'd be other scientists there my age." At that, he turned his attention pointedly back to his starter set. He refused to acknowledge her as she made her way to the door.</p>
<p>"Doesn't matter. You're out, he's in. No date to the prom, two dates to a wedding. Hmm, how times change."</p>
<p>Although there wasn't anything malicious about her words, he felt a surprising sting of rejection. She really was going to take Leonard to the wedding. Did he care? He knew he shouldn't. He reasoned that as a Homo Novus, he ought to be above these trite feelings of anxiety, and whatever this newer emotion he didn't want to name yet was. What was this emotion that swirled, hot and gripping, within his belly? Could it be jealousy? What an irrational emotion. It served no purpose. And alongside that jealousy? Yes, there was a hint of anger now, too. Anger at Leonard for captivating Amy's attention enough to consider him a suitable wedding date, and anger at Amy for rejecting him, and yes, even a little self-directed anger; for his previous behavior had clearly brought about this predicament.</p>
<p>In addition to all of those emotions, he also keenly felt the sting of embarrassment. Leonard could never know just how much Amy's words and actions had hurt his feelings. Humor, and a well-placed tease, were the only cure for covering up whatever was brewing inside of him. Not making any eye contact with the flustered Leonard who stood staring at the door where Amy had exited, he pulled the starter set from its packaging. "Ha -ha, you have to go to a wedding" in a sing-song voice.</p>
<p>He heard Leonard move into the hallway, before he sighed, pushing his train away disgustedly. Whatever excitement he had felt about the purchase had settled back into the confusion that was becoming a near-common occurrence when he was around Amy as of late. He didn't know exactly what was happening, but he knew one thing for certain: It didn't sit well with him that Amy was going out with Leonard. it was illogical for him to be bothered by this turn of events. Amy wasn't his "girlfriend", and she was free to go out with anyone. But no matter the constant stream of logical argument his mind presented, something inside him constricted at the thought of another man- any man- being the recipient of Amy's fascinating conversation, lively, expressive eyes, and lovely, secret smiles. Those should be reserved for him, and for him alone. Standing, he shook his head, resolved to think of her no more, as he headed to complete his nightly ablutions.</p>
<p>Later, when he dreamed, he dreamed of her hair falling into her eyes, and his hand reaching out to push the soft strands behind her ear, only to realize that she was out of reach. When he moved closer, he was startled to discover that it was not his hand that gently caressed her face: It was Leonard's diminutive one. He awoke, startled, sweaty, and more unhappy than he cared to admit. Knowing himself well, he settled in for a long night of agitation.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>The day of the wedding had arrived. Sheldon had busied himself throughout the week by enjoying his newfound love for this smaller train set. He was enthralled that Jerry had been right: the smaller the train the more concentrated the fun. But deep within the recesses of his mind, he couldn't seem to keep himself from imagining Leonard and Amy dancing the night away. Admittedly, a small part of him was relieved that he would be saved the responsibility of entertaining Amy in such a traditionally "romantic" setting, where her expectations for romance might take flight.</p>
<p>However, the bigger part of him was disappointed. For some reason that he couldn't reason, he wanted to be with Amy more and more. And his need to touch her, and have her near was growing daily. She had become an integral part of not only his social group but also his entire life. He longed for her in a way that made him think of Shakespeare's sonnets, and he was almost embarrassed to admit that he had found himself thinking of her at inappropriate times and inopportune places. And not just about her smile, or how her eyes would light up at the mention of the results on her most recent study.</p>
<p>No, if that had been all then he could've convinced himself he was safe. But now? He was dreaming of her almost nightly. And often in those dreams, he held her; her hand, her face, the curve of her waist. Sometimes his lips would meet hers in startling electricity. Yes, his dreams were becoming more and more heated. Once or twice, he had awoken in need of a cold shower. The experience was not altogether pleasant, but he still longed for these dreams to be real. That is until he convinced himself that he was suffering from flu-like symptoms and started to monitor his vital statistics.</p>
<p>When he heard the tentative tap upon his door, he was drawn from his thoughts. There she is: here for her date with Leonard. Nervous, he stood and moved quickly- stiffly- to the door. Bracing himself, he opened the door and froze when his eyes met hers. She looked radiant. Her dress was pink and black, and made of some shiny material. Her hair had been carefully pinned away from her face, and clipped with a shiny, flowered barrette. She smiled, and he felt a tug of response deep in his abdomen. Her eyes lit up, and he felt himself returning her smile, even though he was still stunned by her beauty.</p>
<p>"Amy, welcome. Come on in." He stood to the side, trying to cover the sudden gravel in his voice with a soft cough. He gestured widely for her to move past him and into the apartment. She smiled, and slowly, almost timidly inched past him. Her arm brushed against his shoulder, and her tantalizing scent bombarded his senses. She smells delicious, and she looks too pretty.</p>
<p>"I asked Penny over, I hope that's ok! I want her to help me with my makeup." Amy looked over at the train set positioned on the coffee table. His eyes followed her briefly and then returned back to her face. He nodded, not knowing what to say. She hardly needed any make-up of any kind. He didn't see how she could look any lovelier. His throat felt suddenly dry as his eyes dropped to the hint of cleavage at her bosom. Clearing his throat roughly, he moved beyond her.</p>
<p>"Tea?" he asked her. Suddenly he felt the need for a hot beverage, and the comfort it provided. It didn't seem fair that Leonard would be accompanying her, looking so resplendent. What a fool he felt!</p>
<p>"That would be wonderful, thank you Sheldon." Placing the kettle on the stove, he felt Amy's eyes on him. He looked up and she continued, "I see you've set up the train. How do you like it?"</p>
<p>"I love it," he said, feeling greatly relieved that he could talk of trains without the need for access to his intelligence. He felt as though he had been struck dumb. He found himself voicing what he had been thinking just moments ago. "I can't believe how wrong I've been! The smaller the train, the more concentrated the fun!" He pulled the mugs they often used when they had tea from the shelf. Hers, the yellow; his the blue. He chose the tea at random and poured the boiling water over the bags. Adding a touch of honey by rote, he handed her the mug. Making eye contact again, he hastily took a quick sip, burning the roof of his mouth.</p>
<p>"Mmm, lemon zinger! One of my favorites!" she exclaimed. She smiled widely at him, and he was powerless to resist the pull of her smile, his own beckoning in response. Between them ran that not-quite-comfortable, yet utterly tangible spark of tension. Just then, Penny noisily entered the apartment with a large case of what he knew to be makeup, interrupting their moment. Her entrance drew Amy's gaze from his, and he sighed disappointedly. Not only would he be sharing her with Leonard for the lengthy evening, but now he would be forced to share her with his neighbor as well.</p>
<p>"Hey, Ames! Hey Shelbot. Ames, you ready to be made glamorous?" Amy clapped her hands excitedly and nodded, moving swiftly to Sheldon's desk, where Penny had already started setting up. Setting his tea aside, Sheldon had no choice but to distract himself from the ladies, and quickly sat at the coffee table, pulling his engineer's cap over his forehead. Trains would have to be his consolation prize. He busied himself, as he often did, in a world of make-believe, with the occasional stolen glance over to the prettiest princess in all the land.</p>
<p>Before long, Leonard had appeared, and Sheldon had to begrudgingly admit that Leonard looked handsome. He wondered if Amy noticed, as Penny certainly had. Then, without so much as a how-do-you-do, Leonard's hands had touched Amy's blouse as he had attempted to pin a corsage onto her. Sheldon scowled angrily, trying desperately not to look away from his trains. Amy light-heartedly accused Leonard of copping a feel, and thankfully Leonard had removed his hands from her person. Then, in a rush of movement, they had gone.</p>
<p>Left alone on the 'rails. Shaking his head with growing disappointment, he came to the sad realization that although he had enjoyed many evenings of child-like fun in the company of his trains, tonight was different. He felt different. Tonight he felt childish, instead of child-like, and more, he felt frustratingly alone. What type of spell had Amy cast that she held more appeal than the gentle clickety-clack of the wheels on the track? What had that vixen done to him?</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>Hours had passed and Sheldon had put away his trains. He sat, feeling rather grumpy, in his spot, scrolllng lazily through his phone. He had considered watching Star Trek- seeing Spock in action always inspired him to drive away any irrational feelings bubbling up from his… homo sapien… side, but had decided he wasn't able to concentrate sufficiently. All he could think about was how lovely Amy had looked, and her subtle, intoxicating scent was fresh in his mind.</p>
<p>He couldn't help but wonder what her and Leonard were doing at this very moment. He had texted both of them about an hour ago and had yet to receive a reply. Checking yet again, he noticed that both texts had gone unread. Had the dancing portion of the evening begun? At the last wedding he and Amy had attended together, Amy had insisted on dancing. He had been happy to oblige as he secretly adored the way her skirt had swirled about her as he turned her during a waltz or cha-cha. Her eyes were always bright and her smile contagious when they danced. Honestly? She was so happy, he was happy, too.</p>
<p>At one point, a very slow number with no discernible rhythm began to play. Many other couples swarmed the dance floor, making any type of formal dance impossible for lack of room. Ever persistent, Amy had pulled him closer to her than he should normally have liked to be to any person, ever. She had looped her arms about his neck and laid her head against his chest. At first, he was overcome with panic, but in just moments, he had determined that the feel of her against him was not only NOT repulsive, but in fact, quite enjoyable. The idea of her so near had lit a fire within his sternum and triggered some sort of primeval emotion to guard and protect her. He had placed his arms about her back and laid his chin upon the top of her head. He had followed the easy sway of the music as their bodies gently brushed against one another. He sighed thinking of the memory and the peaceful, easy feeling that had wrapped around them both as one song had drifted into another.</p>
<p>Suddenly hungry, and not entirely certain that the hunger was for food, he shook his mind free of the memory and picked up his phone. Still no response. Might as well order a pizza. It was laundry night, and the laundry would not wait just because he was in a decidedly poor mood. After placing his order with Graziano's, he set his phone aside and made his way to his room to gather his laundry. He would still be productive, even if he felt more and more like going to bed early. Making his way -with his basket - down the stairs, he tried to think of his most recent work with dark matter particles, but the picture of Leonard wrapping his arms around Amy -in the same manner that he had- kept forcing the equations from his mind.</p>
<p>"Dumb wedding, dumb Leonard," He grumbled as he shuffled into the laundry room.</p>
<p>"Wanna share with the class, Dr. Wackadoodle?"</p>
<p>Penny, great. Why wasn't she out flirting with random strangers? "Hello, Penny."</p>
<p>"What's up Sheldon? I thought I heard you muttering something about 'Dumb Leonard' as you made your way into the laundry room. What did he do now? How'd he annoy you when he's at that wedding with Amy?"</p>
<p>"He didn't. I was expressing my displeasure over… Never-mind, you wouldn't understand with your plebeian mental acuity."</p>
<p>"Well, excuse me. I'm gonna let that one slide because you seem a little uptight. What's bothering ya there, Shelly?"</p>
<p>"It's nothing."</p>
<p>"Doesn't seem like nothing. Is it that Amy asked Leonard to the wedding instead of you?"</p>
<p>"No! Don't be ridiculous. Amy is free to go anywhere she wants, with anyone that she wants, anytime she wants. She's not my girlfriend, after all. If she wants to subject herself to an evening of mind-numbingly mundane conversation, then that's her problem. I have nothing to do with that, and it certainly doesn't bother me."</p>
<p>He couldn't possibly tell Penny exactly how bothered he was by the images that bombarded his brain of Leonard and Amy, dancing and laughing and enjoying themselves without him, or of the outrageous jealousy that was nearly eating him alive. He would never give anyone the satisfaction of knowing how riled up he had actually become. He was supposed to have control over his emotions. This flustered feeling was illogical, irrational, and overwhelming.</p>
<p>"Sounds like you are more than a bit bothered, Sheldon. What I don't understand is why you didn't just tell Amy that you wanted to go to the wedding with her? And that this time you would behave and not embarrass her? I know she'd prefer to go with you. In fact, I don't understand this whole thing you have about her not being your girlfriend."</p>
<p>"She's NOT my girlfriend. What do I need a girlfriend for?!"</p>
<p>"Sheldon you clearly like Amy, and as more than a friend. Why don't you just admit it. Tell her you don't want her to go out with other guys. I'm sure she feels the same way."</p>
<p>"Penny. You don't understand." He sounded whiny even to his own ears.</p>
<p>"Sure I do. You don't want to admit it, but you're attracted to her, Sheldon. Why do you think you got so upset and got all those cats last year?"</p>
<p>"That wasn't about Amy."</p>
<p>"Ok, whatever Sheldon. I can't help you if you won't even be honest with yourself. Go ahead, keep pretending. No skin off my back!" Penny moved past him, intent on leaving the laundry room.</p>
<p>"Wait!" Penny stopped and faced him once more. "Ok, let's say, hypothetically, that maybe I am a little bothered by the fact that Amy is out with Leonard. Not saying that I want to make her my girlfriend or anything, but … how could I tell her that I would prefer that she not go out with my friends, or… … anyone?" His voice had dropped so low that Penny barely heard him mutter that last word.</p>
<p>Chuckling, she shook her head. "Hypothetically? There's no easy way, Sheldon. You just have to pluck up the courage to be honest and tell her how you feel. And I suggest that you just ask her to be your girlfriend. What's so wrong with having a girlfriend anyway? Einstein dated Marilyn Monroe!"</p>
<p>Panicked, Sheldon automatically blurted out his argument against Einstein's active social life, "He never reconciled general relativity! Besides, I… don't know how Amy feels about any of this. We're just friends. And I can't guarantee she even wants to be in a relationship and I don't usually ask questions that I don't already know the answers to… and I don't know how to be a boyfriend, Penny. I can't have a girlfriend if I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I don't have any experience or knowledge about any of that, and I don't … fail at anything."</p>
<p>"Aww, Shelbot is a real boy after all! Don't worry about all that, Sheldon. Just tell her how you feel, or better, show her. Shut off that big brain of yours and follow your instincts. Just lay a big ol' wet one on her lips and tell her you can't stop thinking about her, and bada-bing, bada-boom, you're in a real relationship with a woman who admires and respects you. I promise you, Sheldon, no bad can come from this. Amy likes you too."</p>
<p>Nodding hesitantly, he gave some weight to her words. "Well, you do know the complexities of human relations better than I do. I will carefully consider your hypothesis. Now, my laundry awaits." Dismissively, he turned to treat the stain on his favorite Green Lantern shirt.</p>
<p>Penny grabbed up her basket and headed for the door, "A pleasure as always, Sheldon. Good night!"</p>
<p>His mind already racing through the endless possibilities of any outcome of Penny's advice, he barely noticed as she left, and certainly didn't pick up on the touch of sarcasm in her farewell remark. He yelled a careless, "Good night, Penny!" at her retreating back as he loaded the first load of laundry into the washing machine.</p>
<p>Maybe Penny was right. Maybe he should just admit that his homo-sapien side was seeking a more defined connection with Amy, and end his own misery by asking her to commit to him alone. It certainly was logical if it meant an end to the tireless worry and irrational jealousy he felt every time he thought of her in another man's presence. But was it too late? Or had Leonard's simple charms stolen her away? The idea that she preferred Leonard's company over his was almost too much for him to bear.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>As was his habit, Sheldon woke early feeling relieved that the night of insecurity was over. He was happy to see that he had received an email that his new N-gage train set -that he had ordered just the night before - had already arrived. Putting on his slippers, and tying his robe, he grabbed his engineer's cap and pulled it low over his forehead. He ran the three flights down and found the package sitting on the desk in the lobby. He grabbed it and made his way quickly back to the apartment. Stealing his train into his room, he made short work of the packaging, and in no time he was playing with his new toy. His mind flitted briefly to Leonard and Amy and wondered when they had returned. He had not heard them come in, but he had drifted into an uneasy sleep before 11 pm. Inhaling deeply, he noticed the scent of coffee in the air, indicating that Leonard was awake. Needing answers to the questions his mind had wrought throughout the deepest hours of the night, his curiosity drove him to abandon his new set, and taking just the train car with him, he made his way into the kitchen.</p>
<p>Not surprisingly, Leonard was pouring himself a cup of steaming coffee as he stepped up to the kitchen island.</p>
<p>Brandishing his new train car as a conversation starter, he began, "Leonard check it out I bought an N-gage locomotive, half the size of H-O! Look it fits in my mouth!" He placed the train car in his mouth, with hopes to elicit a laugh from his friend, to loosen his tongue.</p>
<p>Leonard did laugh, "Sounds like you had a great night."</p>
<p>His plan was working! The door to a conversation about Leonard and Amy's exploits was officially open.</p>
<p>"I did," he responded, "How was yours?" Leaning forward imperceptibly, he watched Leonard carefully for clues to Leonard's feelings regarding Amy.</p>
<p>"Not bad. I had a lot more fun with Amy than I thought I would."</p>
<p>Was he insulting Amy? That seemed unfair, Amy was always a lot of fun. Or maybe that meant Leonard had developed some sort of feelings for Amy! That was also not acceptable! Unsure as to what Leonard meant by this statement, he pushed for more information. "What exactly do you mean by that ?"</p>
<p>"Well, it turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time. Though, truth be told my groin's a little worse for wear."</p>
<p>For a moment, he felt as if he had been punched in the gut. His breath stopped in his lungs, and his mind was overrun with feelings of anger and confusion. Every uncomfortable and pervasive image that had bothered him through the last several days - those images of Leonard taking his rightful place in Amy's affections- flooded his brain. Worse were the images of the two of them, his best friend and his… well, his Amy, entwined together in a heated embrace. He was overcome. His body seemed to react without forethought, and before he knew it, he had raised his hand and quickly karate chopped his friend in the place where his neck meets his shoulder. Taken aback by his own actions, he stood there staring at Leonard, perplexed, infuriated, and filled with righteous indignation.</p>
<p>Leonard's eyes went big, and his hand went up to his newly sore neck. "Ouch! Why'd you do that?" Leonard's tone was accusatory.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath to control his own tone, he calmly stated the only possible excuse for his actions, "To send a message: She is not for you." He barely understood the implication of his own words, but it certainly felt true. Amy was not for Leonard. In a moment of startling clarity he realized Amy was meant for him, and him alone.</p>
<p>"What?!" Leonard cried, looking at him as though he were crazy.</p>
<p>For all he knew, Leonard might be right. He might very well be crazy, even though his mother had had him tested. Things had changed since Amy had come into his life, and he wasn't nearly as sure of his sanity as he had once been. His newly found feelings for her were troubling, at the least. Be that as it may, his message was unchanged. Leonard continued to stare at him with confusion.</p>
<p>He shook his head, lifting his finger, shaking it pointedly. "Not for you!" he emphasized, before turning and making his way indignantly back to his room. Reaching his door, he walked through the doorway, and closed it quickly, with a rushed intake of breath. He moved backward toward his bed and wondered how it had come to this; this awkward fear that he had somehow allowed himself to be intrinsically linked to Amy. Falling backward upon the bed, he sat on its edge, frantically taking deep gulps of air into his lungs. He tried to steady his breathing, as he felt what was akin to near-panic.</p>
<p>He knew, without a doubt, that nothing in his life would ever feel quite like this: the overwhelming feeling of warmth and fear and need all wrapped up in one. He had never been quite so vulnerable. He had never allowed himself to be tied- emotionally- to any other person in such a way, and with good reason. Love was a sticky, messy aberration. Hadn't he watched as his siblings -Georgie and Missy- were crossed in "love" with painful results? Hadn't his own parents been an example of unhappiness in the name of "love"? Each of his friends, in turn, had sacrificed their intellectual superiority for the heady feeling of "falling in love", and not one had been the better for it.</p>
<p>What was to be gained by feeling as though he had found his life partner, his companion, the boon of his being? Yes, he was stimulated by her brain, and certainly, she was more like him than any other person he had ever met, but that did not change the statistical plausibility that any feelings for her would bring nothing but a stagnancy in his productivity and a fork in his otherwise perfectly planned path to the Nobel. Besides all that, the very idea that he, Sheldon Cooper, would be "in love" seemed an enigma. He, who had dedicated his entire life to science and reason and had striven to be as emotionally detached as possible, should never have succumbed to something as rudimentary and common as "love". It stood to reason that he had no need for that sort of silliness in his life. His path was set on seeking out the mysteries of the universe, wasn't it? And wasn't that mission a solitary one?</p>
<p>Besides, what would he know about love? Could he even be a "boyfriend"? He was certainly not "boyfriend" material. He was already quite aware. In fact, he was bearly "friend" material, as his acquaintances, colleagues, and even his friends had stated throughout the whole of his social life. He had never intended to be anyone's "boyfriend". But now? This war he had been waging with himself was over. Quietly, without his cognitive permission, and perhaps without him even being perceptible to the change, his heart had been lost, to Amy. He had no choice. Whatever "love" was, it seemed to have overcome his arguments. Boyfriend or not, one truth remained: he was hers, in every way. And more, he wanted her to be his, even if that defied all logic. Penny was right- what an astonishing admittance! e was going to have declared his intentions. He stood to ready his appeal.</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxxxx</strong>
</p>
<p>The bus ride had been interminable, never-ending. He felt as though he stood on the edge of a chasm; as though one step the wrong way might lead to an inevitable and intractable shift in his reality. Amy was his friend, first and foremost. She was, perhaps, his only intellectual equal. She challenged him and, if it were possible, she made him think even more intensely about a wide array of subject matter. She played games of intellect as well as games of whimsy with him. He could speak, and she would listen- actively listen rather than tuning him out like many of his other friends. In return, he listened- engaged and fascinated - when she took the lead of their conversations. In her, he had found a unique relationship, one that was not duplicated or replicated in his life. She understood him in a way that no one did, and more, she didn't judge or criticize him for the actions he took to remain in control. She had never once complained about his requirements for order or his need for his rather regimented schedules.</p>
<p>Instead, Amy met him wherever he was and walked beside him. This was not only refreshing and calming but also, a relief from the pressures the rest of his friends- and certainly society- put upon him. No one had ever really comprehended why it was so difficult for him to be "normal", but Amy, even if she didn't understand, accepted that he sometimes just needed to be himself. Though he knew she sometimes pushed him, prodded him -guided him- she had never bullied him into action. She served as a sometimes-much-needed light in a dark tunnel, where he often felt singular and alone.</p>
<p>For these reasons alone, he must tread carefully. He could not sacrifice their current relationship for the more-complicated, more-convoluted relationship he found he wanted now. The expectations of a romantic relationship were completely unknown to him, and the weight of this change was heavy indeed. Yet, try as he might, he couldn't seem to argue his way around to setting aside this newfound desire to be committed to Amy alone, for better or worse. In fact, just the idea that she should lay out any of the same arguments he had already considered for the purpose of rejecting him made him feel a deeper panic and sadness than he had to-date ever encountered.</p>
<p>His level of anxiety rose as he made his way into her building. Levels, that's exactly what was concerning him. There were more levels yet, to his decision. Should Amy choose to commit herself to him as equally as he was set to commit to her, then theirs would be a serious relationship, even from the very first moment. He was not a casual man. She was not a casual woman. Neither were attracted to the series of short, meaningless, simple affairs in which so many participated. More so, he could not deny that he had never, not in all his years, considered a relationship of any sort. He had assumed his would be a solitary life, and he had been content, until her. This very step- this forging any relationship, of any kind- was serious.</p>
<p>He recognized innately that she was the only one he would ever consider for a relationship. Even though he was presently worried about the path ahead, the reason behind the fear was simple: Accepted or declined, this was the only time he would offer himself to anyone. There would only ever be her. He had almost recognized that from that first moment, even if he had not fully unpacked her affect on him. it was this admission that scared him most. For anyone else? Asking someone to be in a monogamous relationship served a purpose, certainly. But for him? It was nearly equivalent to a lifetime commitment, which was certainly no small task.</p>
<p>Hence, the feeling of standing on a steep precipice, teetering there, unsteady on his feet.</p>
<p>His eyes beheld her perfectly imperfect apartment number- Pi- and he took a deep breath. How would she react? Would she accept him? Would she… be his? His heart lurched with the possibilities. For the first time in his life, he raised his hand to knock upon her door without knowing what to expect. He paused, hesitating. To date, he had offered her fun and friendship and had always been accepted.</p>
<p>Today was different. Today mattered.</p>
<p>Today he offered something infinitely more fragile than anything he had offered before: his heart.</p>
<p>Would she open the door and let him in? Only one way to find out, he reasoned. Calling upon his courage, he took that step off the precipice.</p>
<p>Knock, knock, knock, "Amy!"</p>
<p>
  <strong>xxxxxx</strong>
</p>
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